Honest Conversation Is Overrated
Actual Human Interactions Witnessed Or Overheard
In Twentieth And Twenty-First Century America
In Twentieth And Twenty-First Century America
There really wasn't that much special about Eric. He was a heavyset business guy, roughly my age at the time (21) who was visiting The Peninsula for a week. His hotel was roughly a half an hour drive from where I lived in Cranberry Lake.
The first night that I encountered him in an AOL chatroom, I passed him over in favor of AlwaysOnEBoy. That proved to be a worthless evening, so the next night I decided not to be so choosy. I gave Eric directions to a local bar where we met up for drinks. Eric was husky. While husky isn't my favorite body type, I'm certainly not Johan Paulik enough to make fun of a person's appearance. So I'll just leave it at husky.
After a few Captain and Cokes, we headed over to my house, took a few Mike's Hard Lemonades out of the fridge and took off our clothes. A typical Wednesday night at Insafemode's house.
I'm not one to belittle another man's manhood. I'm no Long Dong Silver, but this guy ---
When I found his cock, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it. Return it to the Smurf Village Lost and Found? Impale it with a toothpick and offer it at cocktail parties? Keep it on ice in case I ever lost my pinky in a freak fingering accident? In the end I decided to try and suck it for a while, but his rolls kept bopping my nose. He wasn't a behemoth, but he refused to lay back, which would have made access to his microphallus much easier. As it was, his stomach was pressing against my nose, and since his cock was in my mouth, I was out of breathing holes. So I stopped.
"Maybe we better try something else."
His eyes were two lone bulbs on a a vast Light Bright. "Do you want to fuck me?"
Technically, the answer was no. I managed to skirt around the issue by announcing that I had no condoms (a shaved face lie). He offered to pick some up, but my nose had been close enough to his ass to know that I didn't want to go in there, even with a layer of latex around my cock. "That would be great. But the nearest 7-11 is a few miles away, and I'm awfully tired. Maybe we should try this another time."
After an awkward goodbye kiss, *shudder*, he drove out of the condo parking lot for what I assumed was the last time.
The next night I was IMing with AlwaysOnEBoy, negotiating a less frustrating rendez-vous when I got an IM from a screenname I didn't recognize. EBoy couldn't make it out that night, and after the frustration with Eric, I was desperate for some orifice. So, after exchanging pictures, I gave the guy directions to my house.
I'm always honest with I send out pictures. I don't consider myself hot but I've never made anyone run screaming from the site of my face. I've had my fair share of rejection when I've sent out my pic, but I've also had my fair share (and perhaps a few other people's) of acceptance.
The boy in the picture was fairly average looking. I love average looking guys. And not just because I may be one.
The guy was going to drop by at nine. I showered, and put some Gomez on, and sat down in my living room. At 9:15 the doorbell rang.
Imagine my surprise when I opened up the door and found Eric.
"Ummm..Hi, Eric. What are you doing here?"
"Sorry I'm late but I had a tough time finding this place."
I wondered if I'd somehow entered a Twilight Zone episode.
"Oh. Did you" Awkward pause "leave something here?"
"Huh?" Awkward pause "No. I thought -- Are you Insafemode?"
What the?? "Yes."
"Didn't we agree to meet up tonight?"
"No. We talked about getting together again at some point but I have plans tonight. I'm actually supposed to be meeting someone here very soon."
"Oh. I thought you said tonight at nine." He was staring at my rug.
"No." I felt really bad. I tried to figure exactly how I'd misled him into thinking we were going to meet again tonight. I hadn't. I'd suggested that there may be some time in the future when our paths would cross again, but I'd certainly never said "How about tomorrow at nine?".
Eric started to walk away. I was about to close the door when he turned around. "I know I look a bit different than I did in the pic I sent, but I'm not ugly. You're treating me like I'm ugly."
"You're the one who sent me the picture tonight? You're TheAliasThatIveSinceForgotten?"
"Yea. who did you think I was?"
"You're Eric. We met last night for drinks. You came over. We hung out a bit."
"Really? We've met before?"
I don't believe in amnesia. If I've ever had it, I've forgotten. I certainly don't believe that Eric "forgot" that he'd been over the previous night. I didn't know what game he was playing but I wanted no part in it.
"I'm sorry," he said, as I made to close my door, "I meet a lot of people on the road. Sometimes I forget who I have and haven't met."
"Well, good luck with that. Night."
You couldn't have picked his face off the pavement with a spatula. "Night."
I went back online to chat or hookup. Business was slow, so I decided to get some reading done when I heard an IM open up.
AliasIveForgotten: Hey there!
Insafemode: Hello, Eric.
AliasIveForgotten: I'm sorry. Have we met?