Zuzu's tenant has an interesting fashion statement in his pocket. Adam and The Landlord bicker over things like the phone, $1.50, who is sleeping in his room while he's at work? Adam learns a game that involves him saying the word "vagina" a lot. Like, really a lot. Like, super a lot. After being accosted on Memorial Day, Adam goes on a date at a museum. And continuing his string of luck, it looks like it's time for Adam to move. Again.
Intro Music: "If I Only Had A Brain" from The Wizard Of Oz
Incidental Music: "A Kiss With A Fist" by Florence & The Machine
Incidental Music: "Why Didn't You Call Me?" by Macy Gray
Incidental Music: Lemurs
Incidental Music: "Move On Up" by Curtis Mayfield
Incidental Music: "Pussy Monster" by Lil Wayne
Outro Music: "Tragic Kingdom" by No Doubt
Dmitri goes dancing while Adam films an Alice In Wonderland short. Will anything happen before Dmitri has to return to Chicago? Will Adam follow him back to Chicago? Or will he go back to work and be sad about everything, including his weird friendship with Clarissa, his aversion to boysenberry syrup and Papa Roach, and his chance encounter with someone who may or may not be God.
Featuring: Dmitri, Celeste, Clarissa, Landlord, God, and others.
Intro Music: "Painting The Roses Red" from Alice In Wonderland
Incidental Music: "Wise Up (Sucker)" by Pop Will Eat Itself
Incidental Music: "Walk Away" by Kelly Clarkson
Incidental Music: "Sleep Alone" by Bat For Lashes
Incidental Music: "A Spoon Full Of After Hours" by Mary Poppins (Alyson Calagana Remix)
Outro Music: "Lose Yourself" by Eminem
Adam's throat regrets its involvement in his second ever visit from someone flying into town, exclusively to spend time with him. Listen to how they navigate Logan airport, the MBTA, an Indian restaurant, a human-sized gerbil cage that might double as a Murder House, the New England Aquarium, and a terrible cafe that Adam will get a job at several years later. Also, Dmitri points out factual inaccuracies in Adam's version of the events.
Featuring: Dmitri, Clarissa, and a bunch of fucken Rockhopper Penguins
Intro Music: "Ur So Gay" by Katy Perry
Incidental Music: Rockhopper Penguins being fed at The New England Aquarium
Incidental Music: "Let's Talk About Sex" by Salt N Pepa
Outro Music: "Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell
More work-related hellishness! This time, there's no costumes, it's just coffee coffee coffee! We begin with the worst tasting candy I've ever put in my mouth. We follow it up with a foam party. What is a foam party, you ask? Well, I asked the same question, and this was the answer I received. Part three brings us back to the coffeehouse where some stinky hippie tries to impress his girlfriend by belittling someone in the service industry. I know it sounds awful but some people from Burlington, Vermont just don't know any better. And we close up the episode with Adam waiting for Dmitri to show up. Surely there can be some Happily Ever For The Next Day Or So, right?
Featuring Celeste, The Landlord, coffeehouse employees and customers, and a couple of Adam's unreliable friends.
Intro Music: None
Incidental Music: "Manha Manha" by The Muppets
Incidental Music: "I Want Candy" by MC Pee Pants
Incidental Music: "Slave To They Rhythm" by Grace Jones
Incidental Music: "The Star Spangled Banner" by Roseanne Barrnold
Outro Music: "My Last Nerve" by She Keeps Bees
Zuzu drags Adam into a job wherein he must dress as a young orphan and hand out flyers to the rich tourists of Boston, MA. He then goes to Cranberry Lake for the holidays only to get snowed in. When he arrives back at his new apartment he is greeted by three half-naked Chinese boys. And, yet, somehow this story manages to go very, very awry.
Featuring Zuzu, The Landlord, Chuck The Incompetent, Celeste, and some of other unfortunates.
Intro Music: "Oliver!" from Oliver!
Incidental Music: "Boy For Sale" from Oliver!
Outro Music "We Gotta Get Out Of This Place" by The Animals
Having been politely asked to leave his apartment, Adam goes and interviews at a series of apartments that use the term "gay-friendly" in the apartment description, and ends up picking a place where the landlord offers FOOD in the RENT. Surely, this won't end badly. Also, Adam crush crushes and gets a phone call from a sort-of-ex who he hopes will crush him back. Lastly, the new landlord would like his tenants to leave signs, letting him know, at any given time, where they might be. The episode ends (perhaps abruptly) with ten possible places Adam might be when he's not home.
Featuring: Wiz, D, Landlord, David, and Alex.
Intro Music: "I'm Broke" by Black JoeLewis & The Honeybears
Incidental Music: "Where Did We Go Wrong?" by Toni Braxton & Babyface
Incidental Music: "The Theme From Kawaii Crush"
Outro Music: "Rattlesnakes (Dubstep Remix)" by Vexare
Ah, the joys of waiting tables. In this series of vignettes we encounter Cheese Fry Face, some people who have a very liberal understanding of the term "worst case scenario", The Jesus Card People, Giggles The Chowderhead, and the frat boys who prompted certain lines from the poem Drunken Conversations At Hampshire College. We then drop in Chez Wiz/D for stories about breath mints, peanut butter apples, and masturbation.
Features: David, Wiz, D, the servers and customers of Kookaburra Canyon, and a very confused neighbor.
Intro Music: "Tuesday Night" by Adam Hood
Incidental Music: "Brick Dick" a mashup of Mickey Avalon & The Commodores by DJ Magnet
Outro Music: "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol
Great googledy-moogley, Adam scours Boston for black thread, and rants about people who say stupid things, only to discover that HE is a person who says stupid things. Also, the behind the scenes actually true version of the night that inspired his popular Drunken Conversations At Hampshire College poem. Plus (yes, there's more!) Adam and Jeff venture to the oddly hypnotic Popcorn Palace.
Featuring Zuzu, Jeff, Jeff's Guitarist, Screwface Mustachio, the creepy Popcorn Princess, and other people from Hampshire College that I shall not mention again.
Intro Music: "Abattoir Blues" by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Incidental Music: "Size Matters" by Natasha Bedengfield
Incidental Music: "So What" from the musical Cabaret
Incidental Music: "Sad Songs Piano" free music from Youtube
Incidental Music: "Final Theme" from the Original Motion Soundtrack for The Abyss
Outro Music: "Popcorn Music" by Hot Butter
The final portion of "All My Exes Live In Sex Flicks" finds Adam taking on the role of Pumpkin Claus, in order to help out some beleaguered Christians. Then, Adam goes on a date booty call, and continues to get all meta.
Also, so as not to end on a short podcast, Adam then presents you with a Listener's Guide to "All My Exes Live In Sex Flicks" so that you can pretend there is some literary merit to this podcast.
This episode features nobody you will ever hear about again.
Intro Music: "The Great Pumpkin Waltz" by Vince Guaraldi Trio
Outro Music: "Southside" by Common (featuring Kanye West)