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Even: (Adj.) free from variations or fluctuations; regular on the level . calm . horizontal keel on a flat body of water . a debt paid to someone who once owed you . just . justified . text bordered the same distance from the margins even. an adverb meaning very or more which doesn't sound redundant when used to modify very or more. very more . very stable . its own synonym and antonym even . sometimes although even . a match that never sparks interesting . equal but perhaps not fair . smooth or dulcet . both plane and plain . 4/4 time . square . equilateral . any number divisible by two . the precise word to fill a two syllable space . snagglepuss's vocal tic . a way to break without loss . the utopia of revenge . (I'm compiling the Terrible Poets' Thesaurus by reading poems by unfamiliar writers and jotting down unusual word choices. Once I find a term three times, I attempt to define it by deconstructing it as it appears to me in the context of the poems in which they're used, which are unlikely to be the way the authors intended them. Alternately, I look at my own poems and find words that I overuse and attempt to imagine how others might interpret them.)
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Habit: (n.) an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary always approaching pants from the west and shirts from the east before getting dressed . a liter of soda a day to ward off the tooth fairy . something to do when your brain is too agonized to function . sleeping with exes . a term that non-addicts use to describe addiction . like chemical dependency was born of boredom and not terror . the repetitive act of living . wearing good clothes to church and ripped jeans to do yardwork . habit is how you are dressed not how others see you as dressed . a habit is something you can control . it is not an addiction . no one has ever neglected to pick up their children from daycare so they could chew their fingernails . which habits are bad depend on a point of view . addiction helps no individual but helps industries and corporations . a nun's costume . belief structures handed down from your ancestors that actively hurt you and the people you care about . blaming yourself or blaming everyone but yourself . going to work when it no longer fulfills you or pays you enough to be happy . a cheap attempt at ritual . a passionless exercise in passionless exercise . this again . familiarity over satisfaction . taking self-inventory without any intent of changing . the way plants hang or grow . a holding pattern . a function served by rote and not usefulness . believing the people who look most like you . trusting or distrusting people by their positions of power instead of their words . running a mile every morning to avoid thinking about your dreams (I'm compiling the Terrible Poets' Thesaurus by reading poems by unfamiliar writers and jotting down unusual word choices. Once I find a term three times, I attempt to define it by deconstructing it as it appears to me in the context of the poems in which they're used, which are unlikely to be the way the authors intended them. Alternately, I look at my own poems and find words that I overuse and attempt to imagine how others might interpret them.)
You, Who Are An Argument For Not Being Alone
The man who works upstairs from the shop where i chronicle the end of civil discourse tells me that i am the nicest person who works in this building . The woman who hosts the poetry reading where i bartend tells the audience that i am an asshole . winks without using her eyes . that she only likes one of the two of us tending bar . In a year i will remember only one of these events Three of my exes . men who love men . men without jobs . men without jobs who love men with jobs . post classist memes in support of politicians who hate them for four different dehumanizing reasons . only one is envy . I wonder . does someone have to be stupid to love me . or just lack self awareness When my closest friends moved away . i stopped drinking alone . stopped enjoying the company of those who drank alone with me . lost other bartenders’ phone numbers . stopped drinking with other bartenders . stopped exploiting free drinks . stopped going to parties with my alcoholic friends . All my friends are alcoholics . some in recovery . most not yet or ever When my closest alcoholics moved away . i stopped drinking alone . i stopped mostly drinking . i did not stop being alone I do not miss drinking . or you . very much . when i am not alone . I do not miss the awareness of my body . the not tripping over sidewalks or tongues or you or your friends or myself or stairs or the light fantastic or whatever obstacles i placed in my own path and blamed someone else for . I do not miss listening to dull strangers in poorly lit rooms . I do not miss my friends being strangers You tell me about your loneliness . how it tastes the same no matter which continent you land on . how it waves goodbye when your new strangers invite you out for drinks . but then . there it is waiting for you at the bar . already tipsy and calling your name Oh god . am i your loneliness Sometimes . when i am home and everyone else is away . i call your name without touching any part of myself . but usually i forget that you exist Maybe we are each other’s . loneliness My worst ex . wrecking ball . pluto . defective tube in a neon sign . fictional land i once believed home . keeps finding work and lovers like they are pennies . and he lives in a fountain at the center of a naive village I wish he were lonelier than us Ugh . lonely . Destitute of companionship . isolated . even when surrounded by people . society . a raft of hands . Lonely . The condition of self-exile . The song on everyone’s lips when the lights go out unexpectedly . The most common word in a realist’s vocabulary . A drink with no recipe . You when we met . Me when we met . Us when we were together . A nuptial ponzi scheme . A rent to own lifestyle How were we ever any of this without each other The woman who lives across the street . invites me to dinner with her terrible nephew . tells me we have a lot in common . You call while i am inventing a reason to stay home . you do not say anything memorable . do not give me a reason to do anything but stay same as i ever am . do not offer company or conversation . just a steady stream of how awful the world is without . each other 17 Rebeccas Crossing The Street Against The Light
The cappuccino wasn’t foamy enough and had to be sent back twice The cheese had not been melted properly on the panini and so they were not going to pay full price thank you The cars were approaching at a reasonable speed and they were nowhere near a crosswalk but sometimes you can’t wait There are clothes to return and servers who don’t smile enough and why would anyone even wear those shoes out of the haha I know, right house? Where is the fleet of pink Cadillacs with box plows to clean this refuse from the street? Where are the ancestors of the coyotes killed for their trendy winter parkas blood hungry and beautiful? the plucked geese (who, themselves, are entitled assholes) hissing and cold so their coats could be warm? Where are their parents who still pay their bills because the twenty-first century is too expensive for anyone under fifty whose parents are still alive? Where is my humanity in all of this? Has it refused to pay the full price of respect for someone else’s individuality because a few of their behaviors haven’t set properly? Is it wearing a parka made of teeth with bleach blonde trim? Is it running into traffic to tell the world how important it is? Alarm (noun): a warning sound, a signal for attention The sound morning makes to steal you from dreams . Surprise . Every day the same surprise . A buzzing in your pocket . A howl in a forest when you do not live near a forest . A howl in a city that once was a forest . A nagging reminder that the day requires movement. A thing to snooze . A raised voice before you touch something hot . But everything's burning these days . keep your hands to yourself . A red switch in a school for avoiding homework . To cause fear . sometimes when no danger is present . A bipartisan political ploy . An unethical journalism tactic . Tabloid sales booster . How can there always be a state of emergency . There is a state of emergency . moreso than the last time there was a state of emergency . The boy who cried wolf was actually being chased by wolves . but the old wolves were slow and elderly and we assumed they wouldn't catch him . they caught him . but he lived. Now there are bigger wolves . Now the boy . injured in the last attack . is slower . The bells have been clanging for so long . it's difficult to remember to hear them (I'm compiling the Terrible Poets' Thesaurus by reading poems by unfamiliar writers and jotting down unusual word choices. Once I find a term three times, I attempt to define it by deconstructing it as it appears to me in the context of the poems in which they're used, which are unlikely to be the way the authors intended them. Alternately, I look at my own poems and find words that I overuse and attempt to imagine how others might interpret them.)
Magician (n.): an illusionist who performs tricks for the amusement of an audience hoping to be fooled The occupation of any lover who ever hurt you . You've never made a mistake . They tricked you . No one has ever cut you in half you fully-limbed ableist . You trapezist lamenting heights . No one wants to hear how you pulled a city's worth of bedsheets from your lover's sleeves while they slept . A politician who leaves office with more accomplishments than scandal . The survivor of a tragedy whom no one suspects was the cause . A friend with tickets to offer you to every sold out show who doesn't even want to sleep with you or smoke your weed . The family member who supports you from the wings while making your most valuable possessions disappear . You . Us . Everyone who has ever asked a stranger to volunteer to vouch that their illusions are real . Every volunteer who falsely pledged allegiance for a brief moment in the spotlight and not only never got caught but is often regarded as victim rather than accomplice I'm compiling the Terrible Poets' Thesaurus by reading poems by unfamiliar writers and jotting down unusual word choices. Once I find a term three times, I attempt to define it by deconstructing it as it appears to me in the context of the poems in which they're used, which are unlikely to be the way the authors intended them. Alternately, I look at my own poems and find words that I overuse and attempt to imagine how others might interpret them.
Cheryl says her love is like
a goldfish I don't know her well enough to know if her story ends floating in a toilet or if she is trying to tell me she never remembers her lovers' names But her statement keeps feeding on my attention until my brain is seventy-eight percent goldfish and finally no percent love Cheryl has goldfish for her suffering shiver of a dog and i don't know if she is saving that dog or if that dog is saving her I have three cats that are goldfishing my apartment They are stubborn as houseplants and almost as loyal as men i would have evicted years ago There is no promise of salvation between us but also no secrets Jay-z says his greatest secret is his achilles's heel love I don't have a secret i wouldn't gladly baritone into a microphone if i thought it might make someone feel better about their life I love everything that's ever hurt When i hold the handle of the blade that caresses my back i am not trying to halt its progress I am trying to steady it as it does what it was crafted to do My friend keith changed his last name to
stegosaurus which people imagine cute or threatening depending on their relationship to reptiles He did not choose it for its diet He chose it because it has a brain comically tiny compared to its bulk When i am on stage i play the carnivore Full of lust Empty of stomach People see my teeth Hear my stomach growl I have never looked like a gazelle I was hungry after a show Pasta or soup or a sandwich Something barely mealworthy but probably delicious had been gifted by the venue And this strange boy invited himself to my table I was hungry but the boy did not look like meat Not even a carrot seasoned to resemble something substantial I was hungry but not fishing for compliments when the boy smiled his approval of my show If a cow says it admires your ability to milk a metaphor you should not eat it If pig tells you you are beautiful when you're filthy you should not eat it It is never acceptable to eat something that imagines you have something in common but that you are more skilled at it than they My friends knew i was hungry and told me how appetizing the boy looked How he inflected an invitation to dine on him I know i look like a carnivore I'm always talking about hunger and the most delicious looking beasts who ever caused me indigestion in the night I do not view men or boys as prey I was hungry Another carnivore offered his throat to my teeth My pride said bite after a prompt from Nicole Homer 1. I was halfway through
an unremarkable sandwich when you started flirting with my oblivion I covered my mouth to thank you for complimenting a performance i'd just given Unaware you were in the midst of your own elaborate dance 2. It was far too early for us to be easter dinner but you and i and two roommates and one ex roommate and one friend sat in the living room And god i don't remember what we were eating then either I remember you singing as you washed the dishes how i was already so used to hearing your voice 3. Casual lunch Everything head shake and chuckle Your unexpected aunt found us in the food court thrilled at your smile You introduced me as your coworker though we didn't work at the same company 4. You left a bowl of oatmeal in the living room while i was asleep Somehow it was knocked off the table Creating a small marsh for our impatient roommate to wade through Birds sang profanity filled hardcore about your sloth You sketched a video Regendered your image to fit his lyrics 5. It was my fault for laughing at the decade between us choosing to see it as a winding road and not a cliff you felt you were always dangling from I never changed my mouth for you Didn't see you as anything but actual peer So when an IHoP full of poets reminisced drug trauma mescaline movie premiers acid catsitting the taste of heroin in the back of a throat and you interrupted with the time you thought you might have overdosed on flintstone vitamins How was I to keep from laughing? 6. I never actually remember precisely what we were eating It was your birthday None but one of my friends was still encouraging our relationship It was a liquid birthday and it was deep but never threatening 7. The taqueria was filled with three legged chairs but no customers but us our roommates and their friend who i knew you were fucking who they knew you were fucking who they were terrified that i would realize you were fucking You made some racist joke about mexican food and gastroenterology which you defended by the large volume of ignorant people who misidentified you as mexican As a group we laughed not at the joke but at your passionate declaration of its inoffense I'm choosing to believe you our roommate said but that's only because you mentioned shitting and talking shit is the only subject you appear to be knowledgeable about 8. Six years after we'd given up we agreed to dinner but only drank as if we hadn't grown older or apart 9. It was the ninth anniversary of when we met which i only remember because we met on my birthday I was so in love with someone who hated you I don't remember what you sent back to the kitchen or which overpriced mistake i chose to keep everybody comfortable We were always so turned earth when our mouths were empty 10. I didn't acknowledge your birthday even though you'd just moved back into my apartment I was already afraid we were line dance at a wedding the hosts regretted inviting us to Mouths full of bland cake and sparkling wine always something from the buffet to keep us from having to speak Heart (n.): The centermost part of person, place, or thing A series of tubes and muscles the size of a tennis ball . An excuse factory . Poetic term meaning brain . The hub of decision making . Art with an h that is not only not silent but also never shuts up . A metronome . The most important part of a city according to the people who finance tourism . The innermost piece of lettuce that usually ends up in the sink . Oh yes the pain the pain that it causes that can not possibly be blamed on any other organ of the body . Flooder of open wounds and tear ducts . The piece of meat romanticized as important and yet we are much more likely to eat the ribs designed to protect it . A bird in a cage on a hipster t-shirt . A tattoo designed for archery practice . A twee verb synonymous with like . The shape of a two hands when joined by the upper knuckles of the fingers and the pads of the thumbs . Fragile noun intended to imply focus . The part of the body most often crossed when lying . Organ routinely hidden when one is pledging allegiance to something sinister . An athletic term often confused for strength . Despite the weapon what is always the real cause for bleeding I'm compiling the Terrible Poets' Thesaurus by reading poems by unfamiliar writers and jotting down unusual word choices. Once I find a term three times, I attempt to define it by deconstructing it as it appears to me in the context of the poems in which they're used, which are unlikely to be the way the authors intended them. Alternately, I look at my own poems and find words that I overuse and attempt to imagine how others might interpret them.
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