When Skeletons Come Out Of The Closet

​Tonight at work was, to quote lazy-ass-office-manager, Sean, "a total show, dude." Lots of employee drama, some real winners of customers, and I'm reasonably sure the manager had forgotten his ritalin.

At one point I verbally bitchslapped a total (insert appropriate expletive here) who's been harassing a coworker about being gay. He's not gay. That's beside the point. I would have a problem if she constantly harassed me about being black.

Many people overheard our debate. I'm not the sort of person who gets all quiet when I'm pissed off.

One of my neighbors who works with us came up to me a bit after the fight. He looked really nervous.He said he wanted to talk to me about a "sensitive issue." There was something he needed to talk about, and based on a few conversations he'd overheard (including the one with Bigot) he thought I'd be a compassionate ear. Now this guy is really cute. Beautiful smile, always cheerful. I'm thinking, score, I'm going to take crippling emotional advantage of a peeking-out-of-the-closet gay guy.

"I'm a Yankees fan."

I was disgusted. I would have been more compassionate if he was a child molester. A Yankees fan??? Worse, a Yankees fan who has spent all his life living in Boston? That's fucken sacrilege. I spit on him. Then I hit him. Then I slammed his head into the wall and yelled really loudly to my coworkers "Snake is a Yankees fan!!!"

We all ripped off our polyester bushmen, exposing our "Yankees Suck, Jeter Swallows" and "A-Rod is an A-Hole" t-shirts, and proceeded to bludgeon him to death with breadboards. Then we tossed his corpse into the fryer until the skin was melted away, and cremated him in the potato oven. 

Unfortunately, this distracted us from doing our actual waiting on tables work. When I went over to one of my tables, the ninety-seven year old woman there demanded to know why her food was so late. I told her. She asked if she could go into the kitchen and smear her Depends on his ashes. Who am I to deprive someone of corpse desecration?
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Sun, Apr. 18th, 2004 02:30 am (local)
tabor36Good for you! I would have gone with the "A-Rods are for Lezbos" T-Shirt. I wonder if some one is making the "A-Rod bats 1.71" T-Shirt, or are they waiting for his average to get lower.
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Sun, Apr. 18th, 2004 04:12 am (local)
akamuuThe best part of living in a fanatically anti-Yankees city is that the very day that The Yanks signed A-Rod the anti-A-Rod shirts were everwhere. I'm pretty sure Mayor Menino and Govenor Mitt "Olympic Sized Mormon" Romney have been wearing them ever since.

I'm sure A-Flop's average will settle down to nice steady 1.0 soon enough.
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Sun, Apr. 18th, 2004 03:08 am (local)
campanahow's curt schilling working out for you guys? oh, we're doing fine without him. we're winning every game. most of our pitchers are already working on their cy young award acceptence speeches, a few of them are still working on getting their green cards, and one is trying to figure out how they sew up the ball so tight.