Trimming The Phat

​There were 11 poets competeing for 8 spots in the finals. It's not entirely clear how next weeks finals will be run due to the 3xwhatever. Michael announced a really bad idea for next week's format which was mercifully shot down by the new slammaster. Viva Simone. Here's the listing of the poets in order that they drew in round one, followed by their 1st score:
Simone opened with her Dad's Tuxedo poem, one of my favorites.
25.5
I followed with mapQuest Directions to the Objects in this Poem (thanks for the title jeremyrichards) because I had a hunch the judges were going to focus more on writing than performance.
25.6
The Ryk blew the audience away with the best performance of the Nietzsche poem that I've ever seen (and I've seen it a lot).
25.8
Samantha went on page with a poem about being in a hospital stall without toilet paper. I think it was a new edit of an older poem.
24.9
I'm not a huge fan of Nate Van Tyl's work. It's really slick written, quick delivered tongue twisters. The version he performed in round 1 "EZ4U2Say" was far better than any of the other versions I've seen. But the judges were looking for poetry.
24.6
anselicious performed a near-flawless version of his "Gone Daddy, Gone," by far my favorite plitical piece that I've heard from him. He is the only poet in either Boston semifinal that I would make out with. There, I've said it.
26.5
Urban became the second victim of the "We don't give a shit about your performance, give us a fucken poem" when his over-the-top, performed letter perfectly "So There I Was in the Bunny Suit Again" poem only earned him a
24.6
Mary was the dark horse tonight. She qualified last week. Not many people had heard her. She's a young writer with some great lines, a big heart, and some typically political slam stuff. She did a familiar sounding rape poem, but she did it very well.
24.8
J*Me showed that his recent flat performances were a big con. He was saving all his energy for the big shows. He performed "Heartland" while standing on a chair in the front row. I'm thinking this would be a great way to keep myself from nervous walking. It certainly worked for him, as he flat out owned the first round.
27.3
Harris shocked the world by not coming in last. He did a poem about how he is a poet. A truly original concept that has never before been tackled in the slam world. I can't wait to hear his next poem about how racism=bad, and Barbie makes girls bulimic.
24.8
Once again proving that Michigan's loss is Boston's gain, Eric D'Arby rocked his poem about the hypocrisy of wearing Von Dutch clothes. It's so nice to hear well written political pieces about topics that no one's ever preached at you before.
26.0
Round 2:J*Me went first with Janis Joplin. This gave me a little premonition about what his plans were for next week.
27.3
Harris once again baffled the scientific community by proclaiming that butterflies are being killed by genetically enhanced corn (and you don't want to know about the po-ta-toes). Nevermind the fact that butterflies don't actually eat either corn or potatoes. Sounds like I might have been misinformed (Thanks smjor). Harris performed a slightly off-kilter version of one of his poems that is not necessarily his best. And heperformed the second half mostly in ear-piercing falsetto. I won't sleep tonight.
24.8
Urban danced his way around The Cantab in a way that made me dizzy in a good way. A much better choice for the crowd.
25.5</p>Eric brought out the fluff (his words, not mine) in round 2, because it didn't matter. A brilliant performance of his car racing poem.
26.2</p>I decided to gamble with performing the new edit of Body Sulfur Potential on page. If it fucked me, I would take it a sign that I wasn't supposed to be in te Cantab finals. Much like every guy I've crushed on recently, it didn't fuck me.
26.5</p>Samantha baked a sex cake, and gave everyone a piece. The cream cheese frosting was delicious. I'm happy she did so well.
25.6</p>The Ryk went overtime doing his poem about Danny riding his motorcycle in heaven. I think it's his weakest piece. Most slam poets would be damned lucky to have such a good poem as their weakest piece.
25.5 (after .5 penalty)
anselicious brought out Sid Vicious in Round 2 of Ansel runs through Adam's Mental Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. I wish I was punk.
26.8
Nate brought some rarely rhyming poetry into Round 2. There was substance. Sure, it was familiar substance (Did you know Bush was bad?) but it was a refreshing change of pace from the slick stick words in the verse don't rehearse for a while style.
25.7
Simone declared herself a weirdo magnet in round 2. I've only heard this poem once before and I like it. I'd leave it at that, but I know Simone reads this blog, so I shall mention that I beat her by a tenth of a point in both rounds. 8P*
26.4
Mary batted cleanup with another on-page performance about "The Best Lover I Ever Had." Eight orgasms in one night was the worst sex you ever had with this guy? What's his phone number? Is he single? Has he ever considered...you know...
25.2
When the dust settled, Simone dropped the bomb. The evening's top scorer would not be returning for finals. I don't know if that means J*Me is going out for The Lizard, or not going at all. I do know it complicated my decision almost as much as the stupid 3xwhatever format. I've got to figure out by Friday whether I'll be slamming for the Cantab team next week.
Qualified:
1. J*Me
1. Ansel
2. Eric
3. Adam
4. Simone
5.The Ryk
6. Samantha
7. Nate
8. Urban

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 Leave a comment | 16 comments
Wed, Apr. 7th, 2004 10:28 pm (UTC)
smjorI hate to defend someone you obviously don't like (and that I don't know) but that bit about butterflies dying from the genetically enhanced corn? It's actually kind of true. One of the things that is being done with genetic engineering right now is the development and growing of crops that make their own pesticide. They spliced up some corn DNA with something else, I can't remember what, and now the catapillars that tend to ruin entire crops of corn die if they eat the corn, thus the corn doesn't get eaten, thus the crops aren't ruined. The only problem with this? Corn produces pollen, which butterflies eat. The butterflies don't fare so well on this franken-corn pollen, so in reality, the guy has a point. Sort of. But he still sounds like a nutjob, so fuck 'em.
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Wed, Apr. 7th, 2004 10:58 pm (UTC)
akamuuActually, I like the poet a great deal. He's a hell of a guy, who's done a lot for slam. But I've had three science oriented friends who have heard his poem tell me that it's factually bullshit. Maybe he's just not wording it properly. Lord knows I'm not the best source on scientific information.
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Wed, Apr. 7th, 2004 11:14 pm (UTC)
kevinpatterson: Kickass!Nice play by play, Good luck, What night is it and I will send some good vibes your way.
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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004 12:09 am (UTC)
akamuu: Re: Kickass!I'm still not entirely sure I'm going out for this team. There's some really talented poets going out for it, but I already have some group pieces with Star, Oz & Iyeoka, who are all going out for The Lizard Lounge. Plus, while Eric, Ansel, Simone, and Ryk are all friends who I really admire, Oz and Star have proven to be more than just friends.

The danger of holding out for that team is that I won't make it. I didn't last year. Neither did Oz. 

The draw looks easier this year, though. Delisile is not slamming, OMekongo moved away, and Iyeoka has yet to qualify. Morris has.

I think a team of Morris, me, Oz & Star would be, if not an unstoppable finals team force, at the very least a hell of a lot more diverse and atypical than the bulk of last year's teams. I'm thinking like Venice Beach 1999, Vancouver 2001, Seattle 2002 and 3. The kind of teams I would gladly pay to see perform a full-length show together. Not the typical four poets who happen to have made a team together and make the best of it.

Wow. I'm loquacious this morning.

Ummm...Cantab finals are next Wednesday.
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Wed, Apr. 7th, 2004 11:29 pm (UTC)
bobdapoet: I certainly knowThat the loudest poet on earth, as well as me, would be happy to spend time with you in St Louis regardless of the team you are on...
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Wed, Apr. 7th, 2004 11:41 pm (UTC)
akamuu: Is there still time to qualify for Mesa? ;)Maybe the three of us can come up with some sort of plot to overthrow the 3x5 as soon as we hit town. You bring the coffee, Bill will bring the assbomb, and I'll bring the...shit, what should I bring?

(p.s. don't forget to pack Patterson this time...he definitely needs to see the chaos that will be this year's NPS)
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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004 06:42 am (UTC)
bajatierra: Re: Is there still time to qualify for Mesa? ;)I think we could have used the assbomb at Slammasters for sure.
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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004 07:51 am (UTC)
bobdapoet: Re: Is there still time to qualify for Mesa? ;)You bring the truely unique crap-o-vision, the ability to see through BS
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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004 10:15 am (UTC)
akamuu: The QuestionIf we attain the ability to see through bullshit at NPS, will half of the slammers be invisible?
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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004 05:56 am (UTC)
penny_playerAdam, I have found some of best slam performances were when I was standing on a chair. IT is a great way to limit wandering and it makes part of your mind concentrate on balance and the poem some how takes care of itself. With that said, too much Chairy poems can be annoying, like you are a communist speaking on a soapbox in Hyde Park
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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004 09:59 am (UTC)
akamuuThere's one old school slam Cantab slammerwho I haven't seen in years, who used to always perform standing on a table. I always had the urge to shake it, and see if he fell down.

The first time I saw Oz he hopped over the Third Rail fence and stood on the shelf where the books are kept.

One of these days, I'm going to see if I can perform while hanging on one of the light fixtures.
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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004 09:21 am (UTC)
j_cannibalI hear that M. Brown is leaving the Cantab slam? Is this so? If yes, are you going to be the new slam master--because I nominate you.
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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004 09:56 am (UTC)
akamuuMichael left in February. He is rarely there, but because the new slammaster, Simone, is competing, he was drafted to host.

The day I run The Cantab is the day (insert apocalyptic reference here)
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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004 10:41 am (UTC)
j_cannibalWell Simone (if I am thinking of the right Simone), is a wonderful choice. I guess I should show up sometime... maybe I'll show up next Wed. I'm sure it will be a blast!

But I really would urge you to run a slam around here; the hippo-scorpion-fucker contingent is a poorly represented demographic, and I think their voice needs to be heard.
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Sat, Apr. 10th, 2004 03:36 pm (UTC)
anseliciousImagine if the Cantab team was you, me, Simone, Ryk, and Eric. it would be the most sexually-ambiguous group of people that the dirty south has ever seen. We could even all make out on stage and call it a group piece.

You do have a point with your Lizard Dream Team, however. Who'd you end up deciding on?
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Mon, Apr. 12th, 2004 07:12 am (UTC)
akamuuI almost wish we were going to the dirty south now. Alas, we are headed to the cluttered middle. I've left my slam team fate up to a Hampshire alum (it seemed fair). I'll be there on Wed night. Whether or not I slam is up to fate.