Too Much Metal For One Hand

​Give me fuel

On Sunday's slam, I discovered I am fueled by hatred. I know my writing lately has reflected a wee bit of bitterness, but that's not what I'm talking about. My writing is what it is. What I learned about myself is that I perform better when angry. Sunday night I was pissed off.

I was nice and relaxed when I got to the LL, hung out with thisisstar, and my friend Colleen, who used to work at OB with me, showed up. Good vibes. In the first round, things went as I expect them to at the LL. Good poetry is consistently beaten by slick political crap. That's just the way it is. I was surprised that my first poem (not at all political) scored well. In round two I started to get annoyed. Slick political crap aside, one of the performers was handing out fucking fliers during some people's poems. Said poet showed that just like his poetry, he is a shallow, slick man with kind words on the outside but nothing but the desire to see himself succeed on the inside. 

My plan was to confront him last night. I blatantly walked out as he took the stage for his third poem and decided to change the poem I was going to do. I wrote some of his worst lines into "Hacks Part 4." When I was getting ready to go back down, the bartender (who'd been loudly arguing with someone during my second poem) came out to smoke, and explained why she had been talking throughout my poem: Some bigoted fucken frat boy from Bentley College (a whole flock of frat boys and sorority girls had been required to come for some class by a teacher who meant well) had begun directing various homophobic epithets at J*Me during his poem. The fact that I followed it up with a gay poem fueled his homophobia, and the bartender and the bouncer were getting ready to toss him...during my poem. So, knowing that he was probably already gone, feeling angry at both him and slick poetaster I decided it would better to end the night channeling my anger at frat boy, rather than piss off the poet. When I got home, I was so angry, and so directionless, I got a few words down on paper and then tossed and turned for a few hours. I woke up with blood on my pillow, as I'd dug a huge chunk out of my right cheek. Sexy. Sexy. Sexy.


Give Me Fire
Work has been sucking. No office shifts, no training shifts, some stupid interpersonal shit with employees who have been promoted because they've sucked the right dick when certain managers' girlfriends weren't around. I got so angry last week that I ceased to care. I'm not going to waste my energy on people I don't care about. And there are very few people left at the OB that I care about. So tonight I talked with one of the managers, and asked point blank "Why am I getting screwed out of my money?" It wasn't an angry question, more of a "I give up, I just want an answer." And for the first time since I started working there he gave it to me "We're waiting for you to decide if you like working here anymore. If you want to stay, then stay. You'll get your office shifts back, and you can even retrain on the bar. As for why you're not getting training shifts, I don't know. I'll find out and deal with it." Fair enough. While I was talking with him, the office manager quivered over to promise me he was going to get me that ten month overdue paycheck tomorrow night. I'm not holding my breath


Lizard Lounge Semifinal Results:

8th place: Venerable LL scorekeeper, Tom. If the slam had been a written competition, he'd have kicked some serious ass. Much better material than most of the slammers. No one outside the LL knows who he is, and won't ever see him on an NPS slam team, so I won't go in-depth on his stuff.

7th: thisisstar Robbed robbed robbed. Yea, she was a little rusty. Yea, I'm a tad prejudiced, but she got fucked without lube. She drew this year's Adam/Oz card: 1st in round 1, 3rd in round 2, 2nd in round 3. She was on the cusp after her first round poem ("Sweet Nothing" the highest individual scoring poem of last year's Cantab team) but she got absolutely robbed with her Siamese Twin poem in round 2. 
To seal her fate, she forgot 5AM during round 3. I almost shouted out the words (it was one of our group pieces), but she started the poem over from the beginning and finished it --- without going over time, but it cost her the slam, which sucks.

6th: J*Me. As a member of last year's LL team he couldn't repeat any poems he used to make last year's team. No Janis Joplin, no Midwestern boys, no "Smoke", No "Where Re You Tonight?", no "When He Smiles," no "Sweet Dirt Moan." I knew he was in trouble. He opened with "Beer Money" which started the homophobic frat boy (it's a poem about fucking old men for spending money), and followed it up with a poem about fucking in a bathroom on Mission Hill. He ended the night with a poem about his brother's death, but he was pretty much eliminated by then. I was disappointed, but not surprised. 

5th: Ragan Truax. The Blonde Assassin. I never see her at the LL until semifinals, but she must come there at some point to qualify, right? She opened with the poem about cutting that I've heard her read every year. It's a good poem, but only seeing her 1ce or 2ce a year (last year she made finals), I wanted something new. She delivered in round 2 with a poem heavily influenced by buddy_wakefield's "Pretend." It's called "Imagine." While it's thematically different, it's styled after his vocal inflections, and word choices. Instead of six billion dawning truths, there were ten thousand water fountains...It was good. Buddy's is better. She closed with a poem deconstructing the "Why Beer is Better Than Women" jokes. It almost got her the high score of the night.

4th: delisile. She, too, has six poems that she can't use. She opened with a politlca poem on war "Words", followed with another political poem on war "Cry, M'Africa", but closed with her "Don't Tell Me You Love Me" poem. She basically coasted in this one. She's got some great stuff saved up for finals on the 16th.

3rd: Marlon (I refuse to call him Inphynite) Carey. He's such an honest performer and honest person, I feel the need to also be honest. I hate his new stuff. Oz likes it, I don't. Slick slam crap. A love poem, and two political poems. I don't remember a single line from any of them.

2nd: akamuu My agenda was to show up and perform three new poems from this year. I started with a revised solo version of "Tigers..." and was surprised by how well it scored. I knew I was on, but I didn't think the crowd was going to feel it. In round two I took "Body Sulfur Potential" back to where it needed to be. Fuck all the advice I got on how to edit (apart from some useful tips from ghostofchance), it needed to be honest, and the edited versions weren't honest, and the piece suffered. It's back where it needs to be. However, half the audience (where most of the judges were sitting) missed the poem because of bartender & bouncer vs. frat boy homophobe. At that point I was on the cusp of not making the team. Debated doing "Hacks" to show my feelings about the quality of the slam that night, but when I got to the mic I dedicated my last poem of the night to "the fucker in the back" and cut sliced my way to a 29.8 (I needed a perfect 30 to come in 1st), so I came in 2nd to

1st: Chris (Tranzit Thawt) Johnson. For once I'm going to heed my mother's advice. I have nothing nice to say.
Link
 Leave a comment | 28 comments
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 05:19 pm (local)
jbradleycongrats. things will get better.

j.
Link
Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 06:00 pm (local)
akamuuThanks. Don't mean to sound depressed or anything, I'm not. Now that I know what's going on at work, I can fix it. And slam...well, it's slam. All in all Sunday was a good night. Just a bit of a revelation for me to take stock and realize my best writing/performance comes from being pissed off. I mean, isn't poetry supposed to about the love? ;)
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 06:38 pm (local)
jbradleyi know how anger can work in performance. i've been called a "nerdy henry rollins."
Link
Parent - Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 06:43 pm (local)
akamuuThat's odd. I've been called a gritty Brent Spiner.
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 07:17 pm (local)
jbradleythat does not compute.
Link
Parent - Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 05:38 pm (local)
cheesy_goodnessfirst off:
**Hug***

secondly:
that cat kinda pisses me off as well, and I'm not above talking smack.
Link
Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 05:39 pm (local)
cheesy_goodnessp.s.- we need to hang out sometime soon. IM or e-mail me the digits sometime
Link
Parent - Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 06:00 pm (local)
akamuuIn about two minutes, You've Got Mail.
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 06:03 pm (local)
thisisstar: thisisstaryou didn't call me when you got out of work, yo. :P
Link
Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 06:04 pm (local)
akamuu: Re: thisisstarAck, I'm on The Hill now.
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 07:11 pm (local)
androidlustre: HA!were this a locked entry, i would spout such an assholic diatribe of vitriol, you would be amazed! AMAZED!
in my grandfather poem, there's a line i usually keep to myself. the stanza reads;

Because, Ladies, when vultures go after your flesh,
you let them know you're not dead yet
like when he takes the stage to say he'll 
respectfully Grace you with his dick
you let them know you hear that shit

guess why that's in there. go on. guess.
also, i miss you.
Link
Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 07:38 pm (local)
akamuu: Re: HA!I miss you too.

I'm sorry I'm going to miss out on the vitriol. Maybe I'll lock this entry later. ;) I need something new to make me angry and inspired. Maybe I'll start paying attention to politics again. I'm pretty sure I could write a kickass poem about how war is bad, how it makes me mad and a tad sad.

I'ma stop now.
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Mon, Apr. 26th, 2004 08:45 pm (local)
kattullus: War!by R.N. Dom
"slam poet"

War! [beats bongo drum]
Huh! [beats and beats it]
What is good for! [one heavy bash on the bongo]
Absolutely nothing! [trills the bongo]

When I watch Fox News I think
They are wack!
Why do they feed me this
[dramatic pause]
BULLSHIT!
[pause for audience "hell yeahs" and fingersnapping]

When I watch the bodies of burned children
on TV!
[dramatic pause]
I get angry
I want to burn the people who did this
while they are sleeping in their beds.

I have a dream!
That instead of killing the killed
we kill the killers!
[dramatic pause]
Kill!
Killers!
Not the!
Killed! [whacks bongo quickly and very hard]
[pause for audience cheers]

And then I think of the mothers
of the burned children
whose charred corpses will
ROT! [beats bongo]
in their bosoms
as they press
their grilled babies
Sons! [beats bongo]
Daughters! [thumps bongo]
Their little munchkins! [punches bongo, hurts hand]
against their quivering bosoms
and they
ROT! [beats bongo, winces]
in their maternal embrace
against their bosoms

and it makes me sad
that mothers hold against their bosoms
their children who
ROT! [beats bongo hard, cries out in pain, audience whoops]

and it makes me sad [mimes DJ scratch motion]
makes me sad [mimes DJ scratch motion]
makes me sad [mimes DJ scratch motion
that [mimes releasing record]
Killers! [beats bongo, winces]
Don't! [beats bongo, grimaces]
Get! [beats bongo, tears up]
Killed! [beats bongo, tears start flowing]
But! [beats bongo, whelps painfully]
Killed! [beats bongo, cries out]
Children! [beats bongo, tears stream down face]
Do! [beats bongo, face turns ashen]
ROT! [hits bongo hard, drops bongo on foot and jumps screaming into the air]
[pauses]
[pauses]
[pauses]
against their mothers' bosoms
Link
Parent - Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Wed, Apr. 28th, 2004 07:52 am (local)
akamuu: Re: War!Dude, we've so got to hang out before you leave the continent again. I even promise your girlfriend I won't hit on you.
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Wed, Apr. 28th, 2004 10:25 am (local)
kattullus: Re: War!I might be going into Boston on the 12th to see Bruce Sterling speak. I'm sure we could hang out then. So how did you like my little anti-war poem. Do you think it would score high?
Link
Parent - Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Tue, Apr. 27th, 2004 01:31 am (local)
girlsnqueers: So Tell Me If I Have This Right...Even though J*me got the highest score in the semi-final team qualifier at the Cantab, because that slam had to be, you know, different, from every scored event known to humans since the beginning of time, they unceremoniously dropped him, the high scorer from the finals precisely because... he got the highest score to qualify. If football adopts this, uh, innovative idea I suppose I can look forward to the team from my old high school winning the Super Bowl next year--go Big Blue! And now he didn't make it to qualify for the Lizard Lounge team either. 

Okay, now I'm more motivated than ever for the queer slam. The Queer Venue proved (literally) unresponsive. I forgot how full o' shit (tm) most club managers are. When I say "I'd really love to do something with you," especially completely unprompted I mean, "I'd really love to do something with you." Not "My nails are looking a little raggedy. Maybe I need to get a manicure." Anyway, your entry is motivating me to try extra hard to now get Primo Cool Venue which I didn't think I had much of a chance for until I learned one of our biggest fans knows the owner. I'll keep you posted.
Link
Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Tue, Apr. 27th, 2004 06:17 am (local)
hot_rod_poet: Re: So Tell Me If I Have This Right...They announced after the Cantab semi's that J*me had a scheduling conflict and couldn't make the night of finals, so he had done the honorable thing and stepped down to allow the #9 poet to move up to finals.
Link
Parent - Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 

(63.159.196.66)
Tue, Apr. 27th, 2004 10:42 am (local)
(Anonymous): Re: So Tell Me If I Have This Right...
Hey, Ren:

J*me was not dropped from semi-finals; he decided that he did not want to try out for the team. 

I had encouraged all qualifying poets to slam for the Cantab team, even if they didn't intend to be on it, because I really wanted us to have a good semi-final show with as many poets as possible. I did asked poets who did not intend to go to Nationals with the team to drop out before the finals, so we could have a serious eight slamming for the team on that night. 

J*me absolutely owned the semi-final night, and it was a beautiful thing. However, he told me beforehand that he had no interest in going to St. Louis, so that night he announced that he'd be dropping, thus allowing us to invite the #9 qualifying poet to the finals slam. 

Hope that clears everything up. Believe me, I would have loved to have J*me in finals, and on our team to represent the venue. Maybe someday. 

--simone
Link
Parent - Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Wed, Apr. 28th, 2004 07:44 am (local)
akamuu: Re: So Tell Me If I Have This Right...J*Me was not dropped by The Cantab slam. He dropped out. He is "done with slam" this year.

I'm pretty sure Simone, as well as everyone in the finals (save perhaps the person who got in because J*Me dropped) would have loved to have had J*Me in the finals, it would have made for a better show, and most likely a very different team.

But not being a part of finals at The Cantab was completely his decision. In this new age of Non-Brownness, it's important for people to know that The Cantab is a very welcoming place. I have not witnessed any shady dealings there since Simone took over.

In other news: I can't wait to find out more about Primo Cool Venue and the Queer Slam. Keep me posted.
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Tue, Apr. 27th, 2004 04:13 pm (local)
lowhumcrushwow. 
and wow.

transit thought.

i'm speechless.
(and that ain't EVER easy.)

congrats to you though.

anger rules.
Link
Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Wed, Apr. 28th, 2004 08:00 am (local)
akamuu*ahem*

TranZit ThAWT. A lot of hard work went into choosing that stage name, I'd hate to diss him by spelling it wrong.

I will say that his performance was dead on on Sunday night. He realized the audience didn't want to think too heavily, and he delivered the shallow goods. I won't fault him for that. While I'm not at all a fan of his work, he was the right person to do well on that night. My problem is the handing out of fliers for his event during the slam. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. One: he did it during a poem by someone he has a bad history with. Two: it subconciously says to the judges he passes out the fliers to: "Pay attention to me, I have a venue that I host, and I read a lot of poetry, while these other chumps just slam." If Jeff had announced me as "Occasional host of The Lizard Lounge Poetry Jam" or given the credentials of every poet who had been on a slam team before, he would have bitched, justifiably. Blah. NOt going to waste any more time on this until I aim for his kneecaps on May 16th.

Thanks for the congrats. Anger is the new black.
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Wed, Apr. 28th, 2004 03:05 am (local)
scottwoodsCan I just say that I've always been a fan of your glaring honesty?
Of course, you don't live here, so I don't ever have to deal with it directly, but I'd like to think every poetry scene could use at least one straight shooter.

Stick to your guns, Tex.
Link
Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Wed, Apr. 28th, 2004 08:09 am (local)
akamuuThanks. My guns have certainly put me in some interesting arguments over the past few years, but I'm not dropping them any time soon.

Back before the 2000 debauchle I was the nice, quiet poetry guy who shook everyone's hands as they left the stage, and only had nice things to say about everyone. Boy did that get me fucked.

On an aside: I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on the 3x5. Especially the comment about the wishy-washyness of the Slammasters. I just wonder with all their wishy-washiness, how come their hands are always so dirty?

Scott Woods For SlamDictator.
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Wed, Apr. 28th, 2004 08:33 am (local)
scottwoodsHA! That's a good one.

Each SM comes to the table with our own agenda. Sometimes those agendas line up with what is best for PSI or Slam and sometimes it's only about what's best for their local poets or themselves, and then sometimes it's somewhere in the middle. I thought the waffling on this issue by its supporters was mostly about self, with few exceptions.

On top of that, the SMs are responsible for changes in what is the one thing that everybody and their momma have invested themselves in: NPS. Bylaws mandate that they are the ones who are supposed to vote on matters of NPS/iWPS rules, formats, etc. Because they meet/dialogue so infrequently, when we get together in these tightly timed sessions we get scared into having to make decisions on the spot. It's how St. Louis ended up with an NPS they didn't deserve (though thankfully that dynamic ends with their leadership. Every NPS on the table after this one is being run by pros, and the SMs are starting to get comfortable with leveling heavy questions against the bids...but I digress). And while the EC has made decisions that affected the tournament in the past, so long as we've fdone so in line with the agenda or good feelings of most SMs, nobody cried foul (eg. 80 teams in Chicago).
So SMs are typically in the bullseye when this type of stuff comes up, but this is as it should be. You gonna stand in the kitchen, you gonna take some heat.

Off the top of my head, but hell: I could do an essay on the mindset of SMs and still only cover half the territory.
Link
Parent - Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Wed, Apr. 28th, 2004 09:07 am (local)
akamuuI know slammastering is a lot of hard work. I don't know for a fact because I don't live in either of your regions, but I get the impression that slammasters like yourself, red_five, and grammarsquirrel keep the dedicated slammers in your areas up-to-date with what slammasters are doing. I know that bobdapoet in Mesa discusses the issues with both poets who can be bothered to do anything besides the bare minimum.

As a general rule, though, most of the slammasters I've dealt with, including Jeff Robinson, who I consider a good friend, don't tell the slammers shit until it's too late to do anything about it. I know y'all are hard pressed for time. I've been to two slammaster fiascos myself, and I hate them, though I acknowledge that they're a necessary evil. Still, I wish there were some way that non-slammasters who were interested in being a bigger part of slam had access to something like the slammaster's listserv. A business only version of the POS slamlistserv. Maybe we have that now, and I don't know about it. Is it posible for a non-slammaster to read the slammaster's listserv? I'm not suggesting we allow them to be able to post to it, but if they could read the posts, they could discuss issues with their slammasters.

Don't know how helpful it would be here in Boston. Neither Boston slammaster, nor Michael Brown, knew that Taylor Mali was the new president until they overheard hot_rod_poet and I discussing it at Cantab.
Link
Parent - Thread - Edit - Delete - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Wed, Apr. 28th, 2004 10:07 am (local)
scottwoodsSMs have waffled back and forth about allowing their list to be viewable.

We've only now come into a format that allows it to happen, so it's really about whether or not they can agree on the matter as a rough whole (or at least a majority).

Link
Parent - Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Fri, Apr. 30th, 2004 01:47 am (local)
delisileGuess who's back...curse you Adam!!! :)...By the way what exactly do I have saved for finals? Have you been writing slam poems for me again?
Link
Thread - Delete - Spam - Screen - Freeze - Track This - Reply
Select: 
Sat, May. 15th, 2004 11:12 pm (local)
kattullusdo you still exist?