There Is No "I" In "Go Fuck Yourself"

1. Logos

God came to the Serpent first and said
"We shall have words"

The serpent crawled in hieroglyphs:
Mouth shut
River overflowing
Broken dam
Fig tree
Naked woman

God was not Egyptian
He tried to stomp the serpent flat
As it danced around his feet


2. Rebuttal

Buddha will not ascend
Cleanliness is next to the river not godliness


3. Made for TV Movie Based on a True Story

Fuck Michelangelo's old white man
God is in Versace Kabbalah
A Chaps Ralph Lauren tuxedo
Luxotica eyewear
Striding down the red carpet
Joan Rivers' face melting under his glare


4. Fortune Cookie Cutters

K'ung Fu Tzu won't tell you where heaven is
Won't burn you in hell for who you love
Gives advice in place of commandments
Is the punchline to a million bigots' Chinese jokes


5. Effluvium

The last time you spoke out of ignorance
Your spittle evaporated into fog
Clouded your vision

Someone who overheard you took your words as gospel
Preached them to their acolytes

This is how plagues start


6. Every Religion Has An "I" In It, Even Atheism

The first word was a prayer and a snooze
It was probably a homonym
A pun that no one understood

Mouth shut
Climbing out of ocean
Fish with legs
Man on a treadmill
Dangling carrot

Somewhere there's a tunnel with a burnt out bulb
Current Mood:  shoveling snow with my mind
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 Leave a comment | 9 comments
Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004 06:35 am (UTC)
kattullusexcellent!

Really fucking good! Best poetry I've seen from you in forfuckingever

minor suggestions:

In 3: Cut every line except: Watch God stride down the red carpet/Joan Rivers' face melting under his glare

K'ung Fu Tzu --> Fu Manchu

This is how plagues are started --> This is how it starts

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Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004 06:39 am (UTC)
akamuuThanks. Glad you liked it.

I so don't want to cut out all of part 3. How about I just cut out the middle stanza?

I can't replace Confucious with Fu Manchu.

How about: This is how the plague starts. ?
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Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004 07:49 am (UTC)
kattullus: Re:how about: This is how a plague starts

And point taken on Fu Manchu... I agree.

And I still think that the first couplet of 3 is a bit too cheap in its effect. A bit too obvious.
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Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004 07:54 am (UTC)
akamuuHow about: This is how plagues start.?

Also, for stanza 3, how about:

¿Fuck Michelangelo's old white man
God's in Versace Kabbalah
A Chaps Ralph Lauren Tuxedo
Luxotica Eyewear
Striding down the red carpet
Joan Rivers' face melting under his glare?

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Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004 11:42 am (UTC)
kattullus: Re:Well, I like the singular better, but I won't fight you on that :)

I don't think the God decked out in luxury clothing image is very effective. I find it kinda cheap and obvious. But if you're gonna keep it at least get rid of the 'Versace Kabbalah' bit. It certainly pales in comparison to the original last lines (I think this new version marrs the effect).

Idea! How about something like:

Removing his Luxotica Eyewear
God strides down the red carpet
Joan Rivers' face melting under his glare

or

God strides down the red carpet
If he removes his Luxotica Eyewear
Joan Rivers' face will melt under his glare
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Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004 06:41 am (UTC)
akamuu: Re:Just edited it to reflect the changes (in case someone else sees it and goes "what the fuck is Kattallus talking about?")
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Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004 06:46 am (UTC)
chris_wassI really enjoyed this.
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Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004 06:50 am (UTC)
akamuuDanke.
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Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004 09:50 pm (UTC)
kevinpattersonAwesome poem, unfortunately I am read it just before I went to bed and had nightmares about Joan Rivers melting the face. The Horror! The Horror! My favorite stanza's are 1 and 5.
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