The Irregulars

Apart from the aptly named "Tuesday night ladies" who come in every T̶h̶u̶r̶s̶d̶a̶y̶ week and sip decaffeinated coffee and eat chicken, The Outback is not known for its regular customers. Rather, we are host to an assortment of occasional customers who come in whenever they damned well please, regular as construction work.

Last night a whole slew of the irregulars decided to show up. Several of them in my section. The first irregular was a woman who got kicked out of the restaurat two years ago. She and her husband used to come in two or three nights a week to munch on cheese fries and onion, and drink their livers aquamarine. One night, Mayk was waiting on them and the woman fell face first into her steaming plate of cheese fries and started to snore. Naturally, Mayk removed the lady's alcohol and got a manager. Much arguing ensued over how the woman wasn't too drunk, she was merely on a variety of pills that made her drowsy. Then the husband loudly threated to wrestle my boss to decide whether or not they'd give his wife her Appletini back. They were told they could come back whenever they liked but neither of them would be served alcohol again.

Last night Cheese Fry Face came into my section which used to be the smoking section, and lit up a cigarette.

Me: I'm sorry, you can't smoke here. We went non-smoking a week and a half ago.

CFF: What are you talking about? I was here two weeks ago and I could smoke here.

Me: Like I said, we've been non-smoking for about a week and a half.

CFF: But I could smoke two weeks ago.

Me: You're correct. Two weeks ago you could smoke here. A week and a half ago we went non-smoking. You can't smoke here now. Next week, you won't be able to smoke here. In the past you could smoke, but for the present and future you can't smoke. This is now a non-smoking restaurant.

CFF: So I can't smoke?

Me: No.

CFF: Can I get an Appletini then?

Me: No. Keep it up and you can't get food, either.

Current Mood:  I can't smoke?
Current Music: What do you mean I can't get any cheese fries?
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 Leave a comment | 12 comments
Wed, Apr. 14th, 2004 01:29 pm (UTC)
zoomardavDrinking appletinis at the Outback until you fall into your cheese fries is hilarious. 

I think even if you said that at an AA meeting people would laugh.
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Wed, Apr. 14th, 2004 10:41 pm (UTC)
akamuuI wish her cigarette had been in her mouth that week. I would have stolen a camera for that shot. I may even stage a re-enactment.
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Wed, Apr. 14th, 2004 01:39 pm (UTC)
campanawhich kennedy sister was this?
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Wed, Apr. 14th, 2004 10:42 pm (UTC)
akamuuTeddy's twin sister, Melba Kennedy. She's always toasted.
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(Deleted comment)
Wed, Apr. 14th, 2004 10:43 pm (UTC)
akamuuYes, but only crack.
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Wed, Apr. 14th, 2004 03:09 pm (UTC)
chris_wass: How flammable are those appletinis?I'm not going to leave you a tip now, because you won't let me smoke!
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Wed, Apr. 14th, 2004 10:44 pm (UTC)
akamuuNot only did she not leave a tip, she didn't even stick around to eat. You'd think I'd been rude to her or something. ;)
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Wed, Apr. 14th, 2004 04:57 pm (UTC)
mehindaThat's fucken beautiful!
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Wed, Apr. 14th, 2004 10:46 pm (UTC)
akamuuYea, someone else on the planet that uses fuck in its proper adjectival form. Four gold stars and a cookie for you.
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Thu, Apr. 15th, 2004 11:03 am (UTC)
mskittiefaceOh, honey. Never go to work for Denny's. I used to have those people EVERY night. And a lot more of 'em.​