Getting Laid Low

​The best thing about having On Demand is having the ability to fast forward through the shitty poetry on Def Poetry Jam. When the third episode showed, thisisstar & I tuned in just in time to watch mstegosaurus & then watched the rest. The rest of the episodes I've had the opportunity to scan through. If your poem starts with the word nigger ten times in the first two lines, I'm fast-forwarding your ass. You talk about how this is a love poem wrapped in a political poem? Click. Like a ten year old like poem? C'mon, you've written much better stuff since then.

I know the main problem for the poets is that you have to do something you think Russel Simmons/Mos Def will air. Judging by the episodes I've seen, they've got shitty taste in poetry. I like "Big Man 2", but they picked that over "Clockwork?" Blah. oh, and what's with Mos Def freestyling about his name in every episode of the show. You could squeeze in one more mediocre poet each week if you cut that shit out. Surely he's got some flow left that doesn't include "M-o-s to the Def." How stunningly 1986 original.

Not including the third episode, I have only had the patience to sit through five poets in their entirety, and two of them were reading at the same time (waves to lowhumcrush). What really bummed me out today was watching Yolanda Wilkinson. I love her. I love her material. I love the poem she performed (the one about seeing her ex in gay porn), but what happened to her style? Both her look and her delivery have gone from distinctly Yolanda to comfortably familiar. That makes me sad. I'm also surprised that of all the poets I hadn't been exposed to before, only two have made me want to see more of them.

When I'm not typing or watching Def Jam, I've been hanging out at Su's, writing in the park-on-the-sea (which is actually on a canal...but at lest you can smell the salt water), or hiding from The Mormons who just won't stop knocking on my door. Next time, I throw coffee at them. Strike that, I don't drink coffee. Maybe Cherry Coke, instead.

Next week i'm in the semifinals at The Cantab. I'd bow out, except it's the best semifinal lineup I've seen at the Cantab since the 2000 debacle. Me vs. morthsha & anselicious vs. hotrodpoet. Both bouts are best of three, with the winners squaring off immediately afterwords for another best of three. This is the first time i've been able to say "anyone could win this" without having to tack on "depending on how much the judges suck." Between that, and Sue Savoy's upcoming feature, I'll have to take a sabattical from my slam sabbatical.
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Wed, Aug. 11th, 2004 11:25 am (local)
scottwoodsContinuing in the fine tradition of bomb recaps.

Thanks!
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Wed, Aug. 11th, 2004 06:45 pm (local)
akamuuThanks for reading. Love your nats recap. I'm just catching up on LJ entries now. Several people's entries made me laugh, or made me frustrated. Yours made me think "Thank God that someone with authority is coming out and saying how fucked up things were." It also makes me feel a little less upset tht I didn't go.

Can't wait for Albuquerque & Austin. Last year I got to see, first hand, the preparation Danny Solis, Don McIver, et al were working on. And I have complete faith in Mike Henry & Austin. Hopefully I'll see you sometime before next year's nats.
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Wed, Aug. 11th, 2004 12:27 pm (local)
mom_starOh, I think I want to go to the cantab next week (I am thinking: me, are I crazy?). If I can get permission to leave the house, that is. Been in the doghouse since the kid dumped an entire bowl of cereal & milk on the Man's favorite chair, thereby ruining it for anyone with a sense of smell.

Maybe I'll sneak out. With a rope ladder. It sounds like a killer line-up.
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Wed, Aug. 11th, 2004 06:33 pm (local)
akamuuI'd love to see you. I've forgotten what you look like.
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Thu, Aug. 12th, 2004 01:47 am (local)
mom_star: I look like this:Link
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Thu, Aug. 12th, 2004 01:50 am (local)
akamuu: Re: I look like this:¿Mother?
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Wed, Aug. 11th, 2004 02:08 pm (local)
asthecrowflies: pretty pleeeeeeaseooh! ooh! can ya tape me the Morris & the RAchel segments? we are, sadly, HBO deprived =P
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Wed, Aug. 11th, 2004 06:31 pm (local)
akamuu: Re: pretty pleeeeeeaseI don't think you can tape stuff that's On Demand. The vcr would tape what's on regular tv. 8(

Guess you'll just have to come over some time. 8)
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Thu, Aug. 12th, 2004 12:18 pm (local)
asthecrowflies: Re: pretty pleeeeeeasehmmm... could be arranged.
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Wed, Aug. 11th, 2004 07:18 pm (local)
goodbadgirlOh thank god, I thought I was the only one who couldn't make through a def jam show. I've tried, I really have. Ok, not so much. I love On Demand and I love fast foward. 

When everyone is *that* earnest I start to feel itchy.
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Thu, Aug. 12th, 2004 01:49 am (local)
akamuuReading your comment, I pictured Earnest P. Worrel being introduced by Mos Def, and launching into a poem:

"Hey Vern,
Our government bush needs a little trimming"
(wait for applause to die down)
"I'm tired of the dick who sends our children off to war"
(waits for whooping and amens to subside)
"I guess it's true what Haliburton says 'oil's well that ends well'"
(waits for audience to stop taking notes)
"I know this poem isn't going to change the world"
(waits for audience to stop protesting this statement)
"but if it changes one mind"
(waits for Macy's to put up a christmas display)
'then I will finally be a revolutionary"
(waits for the stampede of elephants to stop playing checkers)
"Thank you, Def Jam. Good night!"
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Thu, Aug. 12th, 2004 01:06 am (local)
hot_rod_poetI'm not going to compete in the 8x8- After a whole summer of reading every week at the Cantab, I'm as sick of hearing my own poems as probably everybody else there is. I got talked into doing the last 8x8 (and did enough old/unpracticed pieces to make sure that I got knocked out in the first round).

And frankly, I think the whole 8x8 concept is a little silly. However, I will certainly be @ the Cantab- Sue Savoy's feature is gonna be fun.
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Thu, Aug. 12th, 2004 01:43 am (local)
akamuuWell, I haven't heard your poetry for a couple of weeks. There must be a few things you've wanted to perform but couldn't because they wouldn't go over well in slams. Do them. Slam a sonnet or an essay on the rate of grass growth in relation to the amount of bullshit is spoken over it. I certainly don't plan to slam anything that was on repeat this summer.

Better yet: a challenge. Remember that topic of poem that we were discussing writing as a group piece? What if we each write a poem in that style, and if we end up going head to head we each read ours in the first round?

Sadly, Sue's feature is the week after the semifinal slam. And yes, I agree, the 8x8 is a very silly system. I had hoped Simone was going to nix it in favor of something else.
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Thu, Aug. 12th, 2004 02:16 am (local)
hot_rod_poetDamn- just checked the schedule, and Sue is in two weeks. Looks like I'll have to skip next week too. It'd be pretty low-class to show up at the 8x8 and refuse to read.

The 8x8 playoffs are expensive for the venue, and causes four weeks of closed slams, with the same people reading every week. Besides, More Competition is not what slam (as a general concept) needs.

But I just had a fun idea- along the lines of your challenge. I'll e-mail you back-channel...